Thursday- LIZZIE

Posted by Lizzie Mae On Friday, April 2 1 comments
I decided to do something different this week. Instead of blogging about the boring schtuff I did, I wrote down different feelings I had and stuff. So more personal cause the day to day stuff was bothering me.

This is in no order cause it was written randomly across a few pages of my notebook...

"I've been feeling shitty. Just that like, idk, I'm not worth anything. I don't know where I belong, what I'm supposed to be doing. Why am I even here? I'm at a loss. Where am I going? Where do I want to go? It just sucks. Nothing has been able to snap me out of it lately. It's always just there. Empty. I feel empty a lot, too."

"Sat. vacuuming. I think I might have broken Melissa's TV/cable cord thing?? Oops."

"I found out today that my mom only went to Mankato for one year. After that, she left to follow my dad to the cities when he transferred to the U of M. It's so weird to think about. The end of the year is coming so fast. To think that by now mom and dad had falled in love enough to move up there together. (Granted, they lived with dad's parents. My mom was in a room on a different floor, though.) I can;t wrap my head around it. I can't imagine doing that at this point in my life."

"I'm nothing but dust in the shadows..." (I think that's song lyrics"

"Sometimes I really just do not understand myself. I know I was just feeling lower than low but today I've been feeling higher than high. Like nothing can get me down. I feel so confident and sure of myself. I don't know how I ever felt so bad."

"I'm so scared for the future. And not because I don't want things to change from now. I do want things to change. It's just that I know how much has changed from the past to the present. And the past used to be so good. So if that change has happened, I'm scared about how my future is going to look."

"I don't know why I do some of the things I do."

"This person who I pretend to be sometimes; I don't like her. But in certain situations, I don't know how to make her go away."

"I am so sorry. For a lot of things. Half of which I can't even explain."

Yeeeahhh that's pretty much it. At least all I could find.
I'm going home tomorrow! Yaaaayyy. I probably won't have a loot of free time. But those of you who are home (which I'm assuming is most if not all of you) should text me and we should get together sometime. Pleaseee I'll mostly be stuck helping get stuff ready for Easter but I miss you.

Love

QUOTE:
"There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard, nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons."

BONUS!:
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes. But when you look back, everything's different."

1 comments to Thursday- LIZZIE

  1. says:
    April 4, 2010 at 11:24 PM

    roar-e Lizzie! I love you!!
    I'm sorry you are having a tough time!
    I'm here if you need anything!
    I miss you A LOT girly :(

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